Thinking

I think a lot. What i mean by I think i lot is that my mind revels on lots of things going on in my life to the extent i over imagine things. By this time you must be confused and wondering what exactly i am talking about.

Let me explain... Have you ever liked a girl but you dunno whether she liked you back. And then you start looking closely at her body language and how she talks to you and behaves with you, just so you can see if you stand a chance. Maybe she has a headache and you think she hates you and doesnt want to have a conversation bla bla bla. And as if by chance there will always be this faggot who starts liking her sooner after that. And you start thinking whether she likes him more than you or perhaps you feel that he is a better choice as you are exposed to a pleathora of dirty thoughts in your head. Then you try extra hard to please the girl by doing something unnecessary and additional that you have never done before. Why did you do that..? You have never done such a thing before and you start thinking more... And the more you think the more awkward the situation feels and you just want to get the shit out of the situation. See.. All of this is done by your allmighty head which was up to no good.

I think a lot.. You know like I spent two years thinking why one of my closest pal said I am a unworthy of a friend and that he regrets ever having hung out with me. I cherish or atleast I feel that I cherish friendship quite a bit and to hear these kinda things from you friend screws with your head in a way you never expect.

For the next two years I have been thinking why is it that he said that..? Was it like an april fool's joke which he forgot to clarify, only that it was February that time. Hey you know some people cant wait for April so they drop this kind of things earlier. Did I do something wrong? DUH!! But what did I do..? And i spoke to a few of my other close friends about it and they say nice things to me and Ill feel a bit better about myself. But at the back of your head it always keeps nagging at you.... Am i a lousy friend...? Then i realised F***, if he really treasured friendship he wouldnt have said such shit in the first place. Well took me two years to realise with the amount of thinking I do... Ha theres my brain for you.

I think a lot... and put myself in imaginary situations and start being someone I am not, like how great it would be if I am superman or something. THEN I can be all noble and brave and help the rest of the world.. Ha I am in my twenties, graduated but jobless and I cant even help myself totally and I keep thinking I can save the world. Ha all of you reading this must be laughing at the all giant super story unfolding in my head but I know you do it too. Dont give me the no no no, I am all mature and grown up and have pure thoughts bull shit. Every guy reading this would have atleast once in life imagined himself in a amorous act with a girl (or a guy if youre gay) that you know. And you girls are no exception too, you have your own shitty things to think about.

Ha anyway... I think a lot........ And after 20 odd years I have been wondering that maybe I should use this gift that i have been given for a better use. At times my ability to think has served me well in this world where common sense isnt so common anymore. Finally besides wondering if I am the unique specimen, one of the many experiments of god (whom i dont believe in by the way) gone wrong, I decided I shall analyze something more constructive. Maybe ill waste my immense processing power on things other than to sense if a girl likes me, why I could be so shitty yada yada yada. Ha I am going to have a care free life where i judge myself less and jude other things more.. Ahahaha.. So bless you all (Like I can) and have a great day..